Live and Survive
by Lukabby14
Summary: Luby. No spoilers. takes place in 13th season.
1. Chapter 1

Abby was sitting on the bench. She glanced up to the sky. A big dark cloud began to arrive above the city. She sighed and closed her eyes to smell the rain which was near. Suddenly she grinned when she felt a drop on her mouth. She opened eyes and stood up. She walked in the street. She didn't know where she went but she continued her way. A tear flowed on her cheek.

Luka walked up and down in the flat. He took his cell phone and composed a phone number.  
"Cook County Hospital, I listen."  
"Frank? It's the doctor Kovac."  
"Good evening, Doctor Kovac."  
"Is Abby here?"  
"Nope, sorry."  
"Okay, thanks."  
"You're welcome."  
"See you tomorrow."  
"See you."  
Luka picked down and sighed. He slided into his hair. He went to the door, took his jacket and opened the door. He went to go out when suddenly he jumped, seeing Abby. She looked at him. Her wet hair dropped on her shoulders. She shivered. Luka turned his eyes away.  
"Where were you?"  
"I needed a walk."  
"With this weather?"  
"Shut up, Luka!"  
She entered, furiously. Luka closed the door and threw his jacket on the chair.  
"You're soaking."  
"I know."  
She didn't look at him. He moved to her and put his hand on her shoulder, but she slipped away.  
"I go to take a shower."  
She went to the bathroom and bolted the door.

Luka was lying down on the bed. He heard the bathroom's lock, and then he heard Abby's steps in the corridor. She entered in the bedroom and laid down next to him.  
"Abby…"  
"I'm tired, I would like to sleep."  
"We must talk."  
"Not now, Luka. Let me sleep."  
Luka sighed.

The sun began to raise in the sky. Luke felt its warmth on his face. He opened his eyes, slowly. He moved in the bed. At the bottom of him, he hoped that Abby is just next to her, lying down. But there was nobody. He sighed, despairing. He got up. He pulled on his pants. He went to the living room.  
"Abby?"  
No answer. He served himself a cup of coffee and shook his head. Suddenly, he heard someone who closed a door. Abby appeared in the kitchen.  
"Good morning", Luka said.  
"Hi."  
Her tone of voice was icy. Luka shivered. He watched her attentively. She was putting on her a black jacket. She was wearing black pants and a headband. She had combed her hair, carefully. Her hair was bright. She was so beautiful… Luka had a heavy heart. So near… but so far… Abby looked at him.  
"Why are you watching me like that?"  
Her tone of voice was more and more icy.  
"Abby…"  
"Okay. Luka, I don't want to talk, now. I will be late. I must go now."  
She took her handbag and opened the door.  
"Abby!"  
She turned, she shook the head, and then she went out and closed the door. Luka bent the head.

Abby got out subway. She went down the stairs and…suddenly she stopped herself. She stopped when she saw a seven or eight months pregnant woman. Her heart squeezed up. She was on the verge to break down. She shook her head and she went to cross the street. But suddenly a car was arriving. Abby felt a wave of panic to go up into her. Somebody pounced on her to save her. Abby was stretched out on the ground. The man was on her. She looked at him. He smiled, stood up and helped Abby to stand up.  
"Are you okay?" He asked.  
"Oh…yeah…I believe…I dunno."  
"The next time, make attention when you'll cross the street."  
"Yes…"  
"Are you sure that you are okay?"  
"Yup…thank you."  
"Welcome, Miss."  
She smiled to thank him and turned in direction to the hospital. The man saw a paper on the ground; he picked up it and watched it. It was a photo of a little baby. He looked around him to see if Abby was still here. He saw her who was coming in the building. He smiled and ran to there. He entered and asked to a nurse.  
"Excuse me, did you see a woman, brown hair, brown eyes, very pretty?"  
"Yes, it's the doctor Lockhart. She is in the rest room."  
"Thanks."  
Abby appeared with her overall.  
"Sorry,…Doctor Lockhart. You lost it when you fell."  
She looked at the photo. The man noticed that she had hurting by this photo.  
"He's cute."  
"He's dead."  
She took it and continued.  
"Who are you?"  
"Yes…I'm Doctor McMahon, Ryan McMahon."  
"Oh…you're the new doctor."  
"Yes. The substitute of Doctor Clemente."  
"Nice to meet you. I must go."  
She went away. Bryan smiled and shook the head.

Luka entered in the room. Abby was sitting on the chair.  
"Are you okay? Neela said to me about this morning?"  
"I'm okay."  
"What happened?"  
"I didn't look."  
He sighed.  
"Stop it."  
She looked at him, surprised.  
"What?"  
"Your behaviour. Your reaction towards me, towards the situation."  
"What do you want?"  
"I want to talk! I want to talk with you about the baby, about us."  
"There is nothing to say."  
"Oh, yes. There are a lot of things to say. And I begin. He's dead. Our son is dead."  
"I know!"  
She stood up, she didn't dare to look at him in eyes.  
"I know it! I lost my baby. I lost my son. And I can't do anything."  
"You can talk, you can to deliver you."  
"Nothing can deliver my pain."  
"So…me… I'm nothing to you…nothing…"  
She didn't answer. Luka moved towards her and caressed her cheek.  
"I need you… Because you're not the one to suffer. I lost my child. I lost my third child."  
He turned and went out.

Luka went out the elevator. He arrived in NICU. He knocked at the door.   
"Enter."  
He opened the door. The doctor was sitting at his desk.  
"Doctor Kovac."  
"Doctor Cooper"  
"Thanks to be come."  
Luka sat in front of him.  
"Why did you call me?"  
"I wanted to know if you want the thread of your son…"  
"I dunno…"  
Doctor Cooper put the thread on the desk. Luka's eyes put on the thread and read:  
Josip Damian Kovac. Born: 3 July 2006. Death: 10 July 2006.  
He shivered and looked at the doctor.  
"I will take it, thank you."  
He stood up and went out. He leant on the wall and a tear began to flow on his cheek.

Abby walked in the corridor. Sam passed next to her.  
"Sam?"  
"Yes?"  
"Did you see Luka?"  
"I left."  
"Why?"  
"I don't know. He asked Weaver if he could leave."  
"Thanks."  
"You're welcome."  
Abby entered in suture room and composed a phone number on her cell phone.   
Nobody answered. The answering machine was working.  
"Hello, you're on the answering machine of Abby and Luka. We're not here. Let a message after the bip."  
A smile curved on her lips. She remembered the day where they did it. Abby was lying down on the bed and Luka was kissed her belly. She was six months pregnant. Suddenly, she jumped when she heard the bip. She sighed and picked down.

Sam moved forward the bench in the ambulance bay where Luka was sitting. She sat next to him and said to him.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Not really."  
"You know…you can talk to me. I will listen to you… Don't remain like that."  
He looked at her and a little smile appeared on his lips.  
"I never imagined that it happened again."  
"What? Your children?"  
"Yeah. Lose another child. (He paused.) Abby is…hurting…and she doesn't want that I help her."  
"She needs time… She was so happy… and now… let her time."  
"Yeah. I will let her time. I'll leave."  
"Luka… Where?"  
"Darfur. I must change my mind. I can't stay here. Abby doesn't want to be with me. I'm alone. I need to know that I can help someone."  
"I'm sure she needs you, but it's too hard for her to ask it."  
"Perhaps. But I can't. I said to Weaver. I'll leave in the night."  
"Luka…talk to her."  
He looked at her, his eyes were full of pain, full of despair.  
"Sam, she doesn't want to talk."  
Sam sighed. Luka glanced up the sky and he felt Sam's hand put on his hand.  
"Keep hope. It will happen well. I'm sure." She added

Abby entered in Luka's place. She noticed immediately the glass of whiskey on the living room's table, a smell of cigarette and three cigarette butts in the ashtray.  
"Luka?"  
She took off her coat, she put her handbag on the floor. She saw bedroom's door was opened. She went there. Luka was packing his bags.  
"What are you doing?"  
"I'll leave."  
She said anything. Luka wasn't surprised that she didn't answer. In his heart, he hoped that she begged him to stay but, she didn't move.  
"Why?"  
"Why? You ask me why? Abby… We need time, both. You remain like that and it's killing me. I feel that you don't want my help, and it's hurting me. I prefer to leave and that we take time to think about us. Because, I'm sure I love you. But I don't really sure that… you… you love me."  
He took his bags and went to the door. He put on his coat. Abby appeared, running.  
"Where will you go?"  
"Darfur."  
"No…no…Luka…not there. Everywhere but not there."  
"I need to help other people, who ask my help to relieve their pain contrary to you."  
He smiled a last time, moved forward her, took her by her waist and put a sweet kiss on her mouth and then he left. Abby felt that she was falling. Her heart bounced more and more rapidly.


	2. Chapter 2

It was night. Luka entered in the graveyard. He walked between the graves. He stopped himself in front of a little grave. It wrote on the marble: _Josip Damian Kovac. Our beloved son_. Luka shivered when the wind blew on his neck. He squeezed his teethes to not cry.   
"_Bog, moje sin_. I miss you, oh… yes… I miss you a lot… I hope you're better where you are. _Tata_ leaves during few days or few weeks… I will not be able to come to see you. But you're with me, in my heart. _Volim Te_"  
He knelt on the floor and put a flower. He closed his eyes and went away in the darkness.

Abby entered in the hospital. She was wearing sunglasses. Neela arrived and said to her friend.  
"Hello!"  
Abby frowned.  
"Please, don't scream!"  
"I wasn't screaming."  
"Oh god."  
"What happen?"  
"I drank… I've a headache."  
"Why did you drink?"  
"Luka… Please…not today."  
Neela followed Abby to the rest room.  
"What happened?"  
Abby took off her glasses, her jacket and took her overall.  
"He left."  
"What? He left?"  
Abby looked at Neela.  
"He couldn't stay with me. He left in Africa."  
"It's a joke!"  
"No."  
"And? You didn't say!"  
"What did you want I said to him?"  
"Oh Abby! You're stupid!"  
"So, It's my fault?"  
"It's not **his** fault if your baby is dead. He's hurting like you."  
Abby trembled and fell on the sofa. She broke down. A million of tears flowed on her cheeks.  
"Why…why…I can say it to him…"  
Neela took Abby in her arms.  
"Sshh, everything will be okay…"  
"Neela… Help me."  
"Of course, I will help you."  
Abby felt pain in her heart, she still cried.

John stopped the car in front of the airport. A hundred of people walked all around. A black man went out of the car and stayed next to him.  
"Who is this doctor that we're coming to take?" He asked.  
"I dunno. He comes from America."  
Suddenly, Luka arrived and said. John didn't see him. He jumped when Luka said.  
"John Carter?"  
"Luka?"  
They took in arms.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"Vacations."  
"It's really funny!" John added, ironically.  
"I'm coming to work."  
"And Abby?"  
"Please…not now."  
"What happened? Did you break up?"  
"No…not really."  
"Okay… You will tell me everything when we'll arrive."  
"No problems."  
They went up in the car.

Luka was sitting next to John. The black man was behind.  
"So? I can't wait. What happened?"  
"Abby and me…we lost our child."  
"What?"  
"Our son…is dead."  
"Oh men. I'm sorry. Why didn't you call me? I would go there. To help you like when you helped me."  
"It was so quickly…He fought during 7 days…"  
"And you leave Abby like that?"  
"Yes, no… She refuses my help, she refuses that I'm close to her. It was too hard. I needed to change my atmosphere."  
"Oh gosh. Did you try to talk?"  
"I tried."  
"She?"  
"Nothing. Any words. Or sometimes: "Luka let me alone." If no, nothing."  
John bit his lip.  
"I'm so sorry, but I'm your friend and you should stay here, three or four weeks but after run towards her."  
Luka affirmed with his head and looked at the landscape.

Abby arrived in the graveyard. Since Joe's burial, she hadn't gone here. She wrapped herself up in her coat and advanced to the little grave. Suddenly, she saw a faded flower on it. She concluded that Luka put it before to leave. A smile appeared on the corner of her mouth. She caressed the letters on the marble. A tear fell down. A person appeared behind her.  
"Abby…"  
Abby recognized immediately this voice, a familiar voice.  
"Susan."  
She stood up and took her friend in arms. Here, she knew that she could cry, she could cry on her friend's shoulder. She could say everything to Susan. Even some things that she can say to Neela.  
"I'm so sorry. Neela said to me. Sorry…"  
"Susan…I'm falling in a big black hole… I don't know what I must do."  
"I'm here, now. Neela is here. We'll help you."  
Abby looked at Susan's eyes, they were full of compassion, full of sadness and full of friendly. Susan caressed Abby's cheek and smiled to comfort her.

Luka was lying down on the ground. The sky was dark and full of stars. He looked at them. He was lost in his thoughts. Carter came and laid down next to him.  
"What are you thinking?"  
"Look."  
Luka showed a first photo to John.   
"It's him, Josip."  
"He was cute. You're lucky. You had the luck to be able to photograph your son."  
"Yes."  
Luka showed another photo.  
"It's Abby."  
On the photo, Abby was pregnant. She was wearing a blue shirt and black pants. Luka was behind her and had his arms around her.  
"It was during the period where we were happy and always together, where we shared everything."  
"Luka… You should return in Chicago. Abby needs you."  
"I know but… I imagined during her pregnancy that when the baby would be here, I would propose to her… and…"  
John saw Luka was on the verge of tears.  
"You love her…"  
"Oh yes I love her, I love her so much that I will be able to die for her, to kill myself for her."  
"You make me a promise. You stay here three weeks, after we'll go in Chicago, both. And you and Abby will be together. Do you agree?"  
He sighed, thought and answered.  
"I do."

Abby and Susan was walking in the street. Abby took a coffee in her hand.  
"Did Luka call you?"  
"No…not yet."  
"When did he leave since?"  
"Three weeks."  
"Did you write him?"  
"Yup… a lot of time but…they finished in the garbage can."  
"Abby…"  
"I know…I hadn't bravery. I deserved what happen. I deserved that he leaves me."  
Abby stopped in front of a shop window. Susan stopped, surprised.  
"What…"  
"It's the baby's shop. Soon as, I decided to keep the baby. Luka and I came here. He bought an elephant which made a strange noise."  
"What did you do with the baby's furniture?"  
"Nothing. It's still in his bedroom."  
"I'm sure that when Luka will return. You will plan your future life… and…"  
"No. No baby. I'm too old now."  
"You're not old. You're in good health."  
"Maybe but…"  
Suddenly, Abby stopped. The two women were arrived in front of the ambulance bay. They saw a black car and two men who went out of it. Abby recognized one of men: big, brown, dark. It was as if all that there was around her slowed down and disappeared little by little. He noticed her. His bag fell on the ground. She felt Luka's desire to run toward her and she knew that he desired that she wanted he kissed her. Abby crossed the street, Luka advanced in the same time. She fell in his arms. Abby felt his warmth, Luka smelt her scent.  
"Abby…I'm…"  
"Sshh, don't talk. Cuddle me. It's me, I'm sorry. I didn't have the right to hurt you like that."  
She took his head and obliged him to look at her in eyes.   
"Luka… I would have had to say to you this word well before… I love you."  
Luka kissed her and whispered:  
"I love you so much… We must overcome this situation together."  
"Yes, together."  
They kissed each other again.


	3. Chapter 3

_He was come back. He was come back... _I was lying down on the bed. Luka was sleeping next to me. I was looking at the ceiling. _I felt him so near but I was always so far... _Suddenly, he put his hand on me to take me in arms. I don't know why, I felt myself ill-at-ease... I knew if he touched me... perhaps...  
"Abby?"  
I turned my glance to him.  
"Yeah?"  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah. I will get up. Sleep, it's early."  
Luka closed his eyes again. I release myself from him, i put on my jacket and walked to the living-room.  
I sat on the kitchen's chair. _Why did I felt myself like that? I was lost in my mind. I was the nasty impression that I was in another world._ I stood up and walked like a zombie until a door in the corridor. I put my hand on the handle. I was trembling. I opened it. My heart squeezed when I saw all the baby's furniture. I moved to the cradle. Inside there was the elephant that Luka bought... I sat on the rocking chair and squeezed the elephant against me.

_We was in the baby shop. Luka was playing with a cuddly elephant, he couldn't stop to press on to do squealed it. I was trying to put baby sling on.  
"You turn round." I said to him. He turned and annoyed me by caressing my nose with the cuddly toy..._

I jumped when I saw in the window the reflection of a silhouette at the bedroom's room.  
"Abby?"  
"Yup..."  
Luka moved to me and put his hands on my shoulders.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Please, stop to ask me this question..."  
"I worry to you, Abby."  
"I was only here, because I wondered what we'll do with all furniture."  
Luka moved in front of me and stared at me, lovely.  
"Do you want that...this furniture will be used...later...?"  
"I don't know... I will not be able to begin again..."  
"We don't know what will happen... All that I want, Abby, it's you. It doesn't matter if you don't want a baby... I want only you. I don't want to lose you."  
"Me too...but you would be more happy if we would have a baby."  
"Maybe... but it's not important..."  
"For you, yes."  
Luka sighed and shook his head. I knew he didn't dare to look at me.  
"Luka...say to me the truth. What will you more happy with a baby?"  
"I'll more happy if you're stay with me."  
He stoop up and caressed my cheek before to go out. I sighed and let fall my head backwards. 

I went out of the car. Luka did the same thing. We walked to the hospital. We didn't say to each other any words since our night's discussion. I could feel his glance on me. I slid my hand on his hand and nodded.  
"Sorry..."  
"About?"  
"This night..."  
"Never mind."  
"Not never mind. I didn't have the right to say it..."  
"You're right."  
"What about?"  
We stopped, in fronnt of each other.  
"I wanted a baby with you, and I still want one with you. But i don't want it happen something to you... You know Abby, I spend nine months the most... fantastic... of my life. I want to find out again this... happiness with you. (He continued to talk before I could say a word) I love you and if you don't want another child, I will respect your decision so much you're like before."  
"I will not be like before... not after that happened."  
"I want just a smile, a smile when you was happy."  
I put my hand on his cheek and caressed his cheek then his lips. I was on tiptoe and I put a kiss on his mouth.  
"I love you..."  
Luka smiled to me, he took me by the waist and kissed me.  
"I love you."  
He stared at me and invited me to continue our way. He played with my hand. I stopped him and I pulled a face.   
"Again..."  
"What?"  
"Say it again..."  
He leant on me and whispered in my ear.  
"I love you."  
"Again."  
"Abby, we'll be late."  
He kissed my cheek and moved to the hospital. I stayed where I was.  
"I hate you!"  
Luka turned round and said.  
"Me too, love!"  
I smiled inside me. I was remembering when we were happy... _we are happy...but differently._

Abby roamed in the corridor. She opened the door and sat on the couch. She sighed. Her heart beat so hardly. She put her head in her hands. Luka entered.  
"Hey... are you okay?"  
"Yeah."  
"There will be two ambulances which will arrive in 2 minutes. You come."  
"I will arrive."  
"Okay."  
Luka nodded and went out. Abby threw a glance behind her to see if Luka left. She took a med box and swallowed two pills.  
She took her deep breath and walked to the ambulance bay.  
The ambulances were already here. The first gurney entered in the hospital. Luka was taking care of this patient.   
"Abby take it. I take the other."  
"Not it's good."  
She went out. When she saw the patient she understood why Luka asked her to exchange...  
On the gurney was stretching out a pregnant woman. Abby bite his lips and shook the head. Neela was just arriving.  
Abby helped to lead the gurney in rea room, listening to the ambulance man. But she was losing in her thoughts. She noticed that her hands trembled. Morris arrived to help her.  
"What is it?"  
Abby didn't answer. Everything was turning around her. She felt drops on her face. Suddenly, she fainted. Morris threw on her, giving her some slaps.  
"Abby? Abby? Open eyes!"  
Morris turned to Chuny.  
"Call Kovac!"  
Haley took care of Abby during Morris went to see the patient.  
Luka arrived in the room. He felt next to Abby.  
"Abby! Come on. Open eyes!"  
She didn't move. She didn't move and she was more and more pale. He took her in arms and deposited her on a gurney in another rea.

Abby opened her eyes. She was lost... Everything was fuzzy around her. Little by little, the things were appearing. First, she saw Luka who was sitting next to her on the stool. He nodded.  
"Hey you..."  
"What happened?"  
"You fainted."  
"Oh god...my patient..."  
"Morris took care of her."  
Abby sighed. Luka lowered his eyes to the floor. Abby didn't dare to glance him. She said.  
"I'm sorry."  
"About? The meds? Abby..."  
"Luka... I swear you now that everything will be better. I will not take anymore this meds. I swear you. I just needed something..which could help me...but in reality...it's just you who can help me."  
"Okay... we do a pact. If you talk to someone, if you deliver you of all thoughts that you have in your mind, of your pain in your heart, I prescribe you something... Okay?"  
Abby hesitated.  
"I don't want something. I just want to talk. You're right."  
Luka nodded and smiled.  
"I love you so much that one day...you'll kill me..."  
Abby took Luka's hand and sqeezed it. She leant on him and put a quickly kiss on his lips. A sexy smile drew on his mouth. He approached his head more and more close to Abby and he kissed her again.  
"Will you go home?" asked he.  
Abby acquiesced by a head sign.

The key turned in the lock. Abby entered, following by Luka.  
Luka hung up their coat. Abby went to the kitchen and drank a glass of milk.  
"Do you want one?" She asked Luka when he arrived in the room.  
"No thanks. I so tired... I think that I wil go to sleep."  
He moved toward her to kiss her and smiled.  
"Goodnight..."  
He disappeared in the bedroom. Abby observed him intensively. She felt in his voice a touch of desire, she guessed Luka wanted her...She shivered, then a million of memories went through her mind. Their first night together, 6 years ago, in his hotel room, the night they spent, exactly one year ago and the others... She shivered more and more. She needed him... now. She went to the bedroom and laid down on the bed. Luka was lying down on his side, he turned his back to Abby. Abby put herself close to him. He was half-naked. Abby blew, slowly and sweety on his neck.   
"Abby..." He muttered.  
"What?" She whispered.  
"I'm sleepin'..."  
"You're not sleepin' as you're answerin' me."  
He turned him to look at Abby.  
"What do you want?"  
"I want you."  
He smiled.  
"Why tonight?"  
"Because... you want it too."  
"How do you know it?"  
"I felt it."  
He smiled. Abby grabbed him by his shouders and led him on her.  
"And...why not tonight?" She smiled with a touch of provocation.  
"Are you sure you're ready?"  
"Yes, i'm."


	4. Chapter 4

It was already the New Year Day. Abby was sitting, comfortably on the livingroom's couch. The TV was on. She was watching cartoons. She didn't work today... and without Luka, this day would seem to be very long. Suddenly, she jumped when the phone rang. She picked up it.  
"Yes?"  
"It's me. Everything is okay?"  
"Luka... Will you call me all 5 minutes to ask me that?"  
"Yes, because I miss you."  
Abby giggled and nodded.  
"You too, can't you ask someone to take your schedule?"  
"Everybody is busy or not here. Morris is leaving with Albright, Neela is very busy and I don't want to ask her, Ray doesn't here..."  
"Okay, okay. If you can't. Me, I can. I'm borin' in front of the tv. I will come."  
Abby felt that Luka didn't listen to her.  
"Luka? Are you here?"  
"Sorry, baby, I must go."  
"Okay. See you later."  
"Yes. I love you."  
"Me too."  
Abby put the phone and went to the bedroom. The bed wasn't made. She opened her closet and took a shirt and black pants. Suddenly she wasn't feeling good. Everything around her moved. She helped herself holding to the wall. She began to run to the bathroom and she brought up. She leant back against the wall. She rubed her eyes and wipped her mouth. She sighed, believing that it was finished but, she vommited again.

_What's wrong with me? _I wouldn't say if I felt myself better or not... I was still on the floor in the bathroom. I managed to stand up in spite of my trembling hands. I made a stepd behin when I saw my face in the mirror. I had the impression to see a ghost. I began to panic. I threw myself above the sink and made wet my face. I tried to take my breathe again. Now, it was my whole body which trembled. I stayed in front of the mirror until my skin begin its original appearence.  
_What happened? Oh God!... _I knew what it was!... The chinese food that Luka bought last night.  
I kept this answer until I arrived in front of the hospital. Luka was going to me. And at this moment, I realised that this answer wasn't the only... I remembered all nights...all wild nights that Luka and I spent since two months.  
"Hey!" He exclamed. "You're pale. Are you okay?"  
_What would I answer?_ Hey Luka! I think I'm pregnant! No! I couldn't be! _We made attention..._  
"I'm not really fine."  
_Cheers Abby!_ Like that he would ask you a lot of questions and as usual he would be worry for you.  
"You should stay at home."  
"I know...but I wanted to see you."  
His interrogative glance appeared on his face.  
_Oh! Luka! Don't look at me like that...! I will break down and I'll reveal my thoughts... Please..._  
He smiled.  
_Thanks!_ I nodded. He kissed me and caressed my cheek with his nose, then he whispered :  
"I finished in two hours, finally. I called Ray."  
"Really?"  
"Yes..."  
He looked at me with his particular glance : sexy, provocative, nice, disturbing, and which could say that he had a lot of ideas...  
I smiled as to answer him to his request and I felt he was satisfacted.  
"See you at home in two hours, so..." I said.  
"See you."  
He went away after kissed me.

I went to the druggstore and I went home. The first thing that I did, it was this. The famous pregancy test. I didn't really know if it was a good idea...this pregnancy...for a lot of reasons... I was old... and... _I don't want to think about him... I can't._. I would wait three minutes. When it was the time to look. I heard the key in the lock.  
_Oh God! No! Already!_ I heard his voice.  
"Abby? Are you here?"  
The most important, it was that my voice sounded...normal.  
"Yeah. I'm in the bathroom. I'll arrive."  
"Okay..."  
I heard that he switched on the tv. I shook my head to not think about the sound and I put my eyes on the pregnancy test.

I was freezing. I couldn't move. It was... My eyes stinged me on account of my tears which don't want to go out. My lips trembled. I felt I was falling. Everything around me turned, turned and turned again. I try to hold me with the sink, but the impression was too hard... His voice called me in the reality.  
"Abby? What do you want to eat?"  
I couldn't answer. My mouth was paralyzed, any sound could go out of it. My heart bounced very hard in my chest.   
"Abby? are you okay?"  
_Please Abby say something...Say something.._  
"Yeah. I don't know, make what you want."  
"Okay. Will you go out of this bathroom? I returned at home for you, baby..."  
"I'll arrive."  
He didn't answer another question. I looked at me in the mirror. I was the impression to see a unknown. I was already pregnant... Luka wanted another child... We wanted another child... we needed more... we needed to buil our family... But why do i react like that? A million of questions came through my mind and they settled. I couldn't erased them. They made too noise in my head. I felt like shots of hammer. I took a deep breathe and I went out. When I arrived I saw Luka on the couch. He was asleeping. I smiled and nodded. I was lying down next to him, against him, to felt him close to me.  
"I love you, Luka..."  
He moved a little and kissed me on my hair.  
"I love you too."

_I was lying down on the beach. There was a sunset and I could hear the birds' song. I just turned my hand to see next to me. Luka appeared, stretched out close to me. He took my hand and sighed gently. I was happy and quiet. The wind blew slowly on our face and we could smell flowers' scent. I had the impression to be in heaven. Luka put a kiss on my lips which began to burn at his contact. I closed my eyes to take advantage of this wonderful moment. He whispered in my ear :"I'm so happy..."  
He kissed me again..._  
"Abby? Abby?"  
I opened my eyes, all a sudden, Luka appeared knelt in front of me. I was on the couch.  
"Abby, are you hungry?"  
I tried to take my mind again.  
"Yeah...why not..."  
"Sorry to wake up you but it's already 9pm..."  
"Oh god, it's late. How many time we slept?"  
"5 hours. (He leant on me.) And I never slept like that..."  
He kissed me, he slid his hands under my shirt, I shivered at his contact. He caressed my belly. I made my lips parted his.  
"Luka...I'm hungry..."  
He glanced to me.  
"Okay... I prepared Croatian's speciality food."  
"Great."  
He went away in the kitchen. I felt that he was a little bit disappointed. I felt myself guilty. But suddenly, I reminded me about the pregnancy test. _Oh god..._ I stood up violently and I ran to the bathroom. It was on the sink.   
"I'm totally senseless..." I whispered. I thought that I whispered too loud because Luka said :  
"What happen?"  
I rolled my eyes.  
"Nothing..."  
"Right?"  
"Right."  
I took the pregnancy test and threw it in the garbage can. I hid it with some tissue.  
"Abby? It's ready."  
"I'm coming."  
I went out and I saw Luka who was waiting for me in front of a wonderful dressed table.  
"Wow."  
"Madam..."He helped to sit me. He sat too. When I wanted to take my napkin, I saw a diamond ring. _Oh... my... god... ! Crap! _  
I couldn't prounonce a word. Luka didn't dare to talk. I looked up to his eyes. Unconciously my fingers took the ring.  
"Luka..."  
_Oh my god... I say something!_  
He smiled and came to me, he knelt in front of me and took my hand slowly. He didn't stop to smile.  
"Abby... I love you so much...We overcame a lot of situations, a lot of troubles together... I let you to leave one time, five years ago. I don't want begin again. Will you marry me?"  
I was sure that he would ask me this... but... I couldn't think... it was impossible... I remembered when Richard proposed me. But Luka and him were very different. Luka was the man that every women desire in their life. I felt a wave went up in my body, I felt a electric shock in my back, in my stomack, in my heart, in my head... I was losing the control of my mind... A word went out of my mouth :  
"Yes."  
I took my breathe again.  
"Yes, i will."  
I knew a smile was on my face. I nodded and leant to his face to kiss him.  
"Oh...god..Luka..."  
Luka smiled. He took me by the waist and squeezed me against his strong body.  
"I love you, I love you so much."  
I smiled. He put on the ring on my finger and kissed me again.

Abby was lying down on the couch in the gynecologist's office. The doctor was next to her and turned on the ultrasound.  
"Did you make a pregnancy test?" She asked.  
"Yeah."  
"When?"  
"Three days ago."  
"Right..."  
She was looking attentively the screen. She turned it for Abby looked at it.  
"You're pregnant since 4 weeks. Congraluations."  
"Thanks."  
"What do the daddy think?"  
"I don't know it yet."  
"Oh..."  
She nodded.  
"What do you want to do? Keep it or not keep it?"  
"I want this baby... but i'm affraid of the future...if it will happen the same thing... that with Joe... I will not be able to overcome it again."  
"Keep hope."  
Abby smiled then she looked up.

Abby arrived in the rest room. Luka was watching tv.   
"Hey."  
"Hey."  
"You're taking your break?"  
"Yes. Where were you? I looked for you."  
"Luka... I was in ..." All of a sudden, Abby winced. She put her hand violently on her stomach.  
"Abby? Are you okay?"  
"Yeah... I'll return..."  
She went out and went to the toilets. She bolted the toilet's door. She looked her hand... it was bloody... Abby trembled. She sat and began to cry. Ten minutes later, she heard Luka ho entered in ladie's room.  
"Abby? What happen?"  
"Go away!."  
"No, went out!"  
Abby opened the door. Luka saw her hand. Abby washed her hands. Her eyes were wet because of tears.  
"What..."Luka began.  
"I was pregnant... I had a miscarriage."  
Luka moved close to her and took her in his arms. He squeezed her more and more and soothed her slowly.  
"Ssshh... calm down... I'm here..."  
"I swear you Luka... I wanted to say it to you..."  
"I believe you... I believe you, Abby."  
Abby cried more and more. Luka bit his lip to not break down.  
"We lost one again..."  
Luka obliged her to glance to him in eyes, cupping her head.  
"Abby... We'll have a baby... soon... let time... We lost our child, we began to overcome the situation and we'll marry together soon. We'll have a baby, the only thing which miss to our happiness."  
"Will we try?"  
"Everyday."  
He nodded and grinned.  
"Every night."  
Abby sobbed, smiling and her lips were trembling.


	5. Chapter 5

Abby was lying down on the couch in the gynecologist's office. The doctor was next to her and turned on the ultrasound.  
"Did you make a pregnancy test?" She asked.  
"Yeah."  
"When?"  
"Three days ago."  
"Right..."  
She was looking attentively the screen. She turned it for Abby looked at it.  
"You're pregnant since 4 weeks. Congraluations."  
"Thanks."  
"What do the daddy think?"  
"I don't know it yet."  
"Oh..."  
She nodded.  
"What do you want to do? Keep it or not keep it?"  
"I want this baby... but i'm affraid of the future...if it will happen the same thing... that with Joe... I will not be able to overcome it again."  
"Keep hope."  
Abby smiled then she looked up.

Abby arrived in the rest room. Luka was watching tv.   
"Hey."  
"Hey."  
"You're taking your break?"  
"Yes. Where were you? I looked for you."  
"Luka... I was in ..." All of a sudden, Abby winced. She put her hand violently on her stomach.  
"Abby? Are you okay?"  
"Yeah... I'll return..."  
She went out and went to the toilets. She bolted the toilet's door. She looked her hand... it was bloody... Abby trembled. She sat and began to cry. Ten minutes later, she heard Luka ho entered in ladie's room.  
"Abby? What happen?"  
"Go away!."  
"No, went out!"  
Abby opened the door. Luka saw her hand. Abby washed her hands. Her eyes were wet because of tears.  
"What..."Luka began.  
"I was pregnant... I had a miscarriage."  
Luka moved close to her and took her in his arms. He squeezed her more and more and soothed her slowly.  
"Ssshh... calm down... I'm here..."  
"I swear you Luka... I wanted to say it to you..."  
"I believe you... I believe you, Abby."  
Abby cried more and more. Luka bit his lip to not break down.  
"We lost one again..."  
Luka obliged her to glance to him in eyes, cupping her head.  
"Abby... We'll have a baby... soon... let time... We lost our child, we began to overcome the situation and we'll marry together soon. We'll have a baby, the only thing which miss to our happiness."  
"Will we try?"  
"Everyday."  
He nodded and grinned.  
"Everynight."  
Abby sobbed, smilling and her lips were trembling.

Luka was driving. Abby was sitting on the seat next to him. The radio was on. a song of The Cardigans was broadcasting.

_Love me love me  
Say that you love me  
Fool me fool me  
Go on and fool me  
Love me love me_

Abby yamned. Luka turned the head to look at her.  
"Are you okay? You seem to be tired this week."  
"Luka..."  
"What?"  
"I'm not pregnant."  
"I didn't talk about it! I think only that you seem to be tired."  
Abby nodded.  
"Sorry..."  
"About?" Luka looked at her again.  
"I dunno..."  
Luka grinned.   
"What will we do tonight?"  
"Have you some ideas?"  
"Maybe..."  
"C'mon, Luka... Say what you think."  
"Home, dinner, candles..."  
"Bed..."  
Luka glance to her, surprised.  
"Why not..." He shrugged.  
"Only why not? Okay... and if I wanted to go to ER's party?"  
He faked to think.  
"huh...Okay, if you want."  
Abby smiled.  
"It's a joke."  
"If you want to go there, we'll."  
"I don't. I want your romantic dinner..."  
He parked the car. They went out of the car. Luka took Abby's hand and they walked to the hospital. Luka stopped and took Abby by the waist. He kissed her. Their tongues met each other. After some seconds, their lips parted. Abby looked at his eyes. Luka looked at his watch.  
"Oh crap! I must do some shopping. I'll see you later."  
"Ok..." He went away. Abby turned and entered in the building.

Abby entered in the rest room. Neela was reading a letter. When she noticed her friend was come in she closed it and looked at her.  
"Hey." Abby said.  
"Hey."  
"How are you?"  
"Fine, you?"  
"Good. What time did you begin?"  
"7am, I couldn't sleep."  
Abby sat next to her and sighed. They looked in the same direction.  
"I must go to work."  
"I'll arrive in 5 minutes." Abby added.  
"See you."  
Neela went out. Abby's eyes were attracted by the Valentine's card on the table. She took it and looked it. There were two angels who tried to take the hands to each other. Abby opened it and read. **_"So far, but so near."_** She continued. **_"Sorry... I feel me so guilty... I can't and you can't. Love. R."_**  
Abby wondered which man had his name which began by R... Ryan? Ryan Mc Mahon, the new? Abby shook the head. It was impossible. Neela and he hated each other. Ray? _Oh God!_ Abby jumped. Ray and Neela? Suddenly, Ray entered in the room.  
"Hi."  
"Hi."  
Abby smiled inside her. She put the card, Ray noticed her gesture. He didn't say anything. He opened his closet. Abby stood up. Chuny arrived with a bouquet of red roses and a card.  
Ray smiled, suprised.  
"Chuny... I don't know that..."  
"In your dreams Ray. It's for Abby."  
"Me?"  
Abby moved to the bouquet and smelt them. She took the card. Chuny continued, dreaming.  
"What chance you have, to have a future husband...so nice... Nobody offers me a bouquet even not a card..."  
Ray moved to her and put a kiss on her cheek.  
"Happy Valentine's day."  
She smiled and hit him gently on his arm.  
"Stop it. (She turned to Abby.) So, who is it? Luka?"  
"I think...there isn't signature just a text : **_Love_**."  
Abby smiled.

Abby arrived behind Luka. She surrounded him with her arms and whispered.  
"Thank you."  
He turned taking her by the waist.  
"What about?"  
"Red roses...the card... You prepare me for our romantic dinner..."  
Luka grinned, thinking.  
"Abby...baby... I didn't send you roses... and any card..."  
"You're liar..."  
"I swear you. This morning I went to do shopping, yes for your present but any roses, any card..."  
Abby bit a lip.  
"You didn't send me nothing..."  
"Nothing... but if you want... I can, now, at once."  
"No... I think it was you... It would be normal..."  
"I'm sorry to disappoint you."  
"Never mind."  
She shrugged.  
"It doesn't matter."  
"Yes, of course, it's important, but I thought that your present would be enough..."  
She smiled.  
"Luka... your present is enough. I wonder who is this person who sent me them... Yes, of course I was disappointed it's not you, but it doesn't matter... is it big your present?"  
"Expensive..."  
Abby grinned and glanced provocatively to him.  
"Good... I'm sure I will love it."  
"Sure too. Now, go to work."  
"Right, chief."  
He kissed her.  
"Keep your 'chief' for tonight."  
"Luka..." He smiled and went away.

Abby must waited Luka next to the car. It was already 8pm. It was dark. Abby saw a silhouette next to the car. She smiled and said, advancing.  
"I'm ready, you?"  
The man turned. Abby jumped.  
"Ryan? What are you doing here?"  
"I was waiting for you..."  
"Why? Did I forget some signatures on some files?"  
"No...did you like roses?"  
Abby freezed. She made a step behind.  
"It was you..."  
"Abby..."  
He began to move toward her.  
"I believe that I'm..."  
"Shut up..."  
"You're so... wonderful."  
"Stop. Luka'll arrive, if he knows what you're saying..."  
"What? Does he hit me?"  
"Probably, if I don't hit you before."  
Abby heard Luka's voice behind her and his hand slid on her waist.  
"Good evening, Ryan."  
Ryan made a step behind.  
"Good evening, doctor Kovac."  
"Here we go." Luka asked Abby.  
"Yes."  
Luka came in the car. Abby looked at Ryan and without say a word, she entered in the car.

Luka hid Abby's eyes with his hand. He led her into the bedroom.  
"And Ladies and Gentlemen after a romantic dinner..." He let Abby to discover the room. Abby opened big eyes. Luka made the bed with red sheets and he laid out roses' petals on it, a red envelope was on the Abby's cushion. Abby was amazed in front of the bed.  
"Luka..."  
He smiled.  
"A fairic bed for a wonderful woman... Took the envelope..."  
Abby took it and opened it, sitting on the bed. There were a photo and an official paper. The photo was a white house with a barrier and a front steps. It was beautiful. She read the paper.  
"Oh my god... it's our house..."  
"Yes... our house... in the suburb of Chicago."  
"It's which house i saw..."  
"Yes, I know."  
"Oh my god, Luka!"  
She jumped in his arms.  
"I love you... thank you."  
"Happy Valentine's day, baby."  
"Happy Valentine's day."  
They kissed each other.

Luka arrived in the bedroom with ice cream box. Abby admired her totally naked man, smiling. He jumped in the bed to cover up.  
"Thank you, sir."  
"You're welcome, lady."  
Luka gave a teaspoon to Abby, who began to eat the ice cream.  
"Luka..."  
"Yup..."  
"Thank you for this night..."  
Luka nodded and grinned. Abby gave a spoonful to him.  
"What time is it?" He asked.  
"I'm talking about the willdest night we spent and you ask me the time? (She paused.) 4am."  
"Thank you. I just wanted the time, to know if we have the time to begin again..."  
"Luka! Again? Are you mad?"  
He took the ice cream box and the teaspoons and put them on the floor.  
"Yes. I'm totally crazy... about you. (He lie down on Abby) totally crazy about your body... your hair (He smelt her hair and pinched a petal which was on)... You smelt so good... "  
"Kiss me instead of talk."  
He kissed her. Abby bit his lip. Their lips parted.  
"When will we move out?"  
"Luka... please can you stop to talk when you're making love..."  
He lowered his eyes.  
"Okay... okay..."  
He kissed her, Abby smiled full of satisfaction but he parted again.  
Abby sighed.  
"You're killing me! I want to make love, Luka."  
He smiled, amused.  
"I'm not killing you. I'm exciting you."  
"Not really."  
He kissed her, slidding on her neck, on her chest and on her belly. He felt Abby trembled.  
"Here, you begin to excite me."  
Luka grinned and bite her lips.


	6. Chapter 6

I was sitting on the couch that Luka put in our new living room. Every time I was in this house, a smiled appeared on my face. At the first floor there were a big living-room with a fireplace, a kitchen, a bathroom and a room. At the second floor, there were three bedrooms and a bathroom. Luka and I had choose the most spacious bedroom, Luka had already mentionned the bedroom next our would be the baby's bedroom. I looked around me. The walls were whites no painted yet. Suddenly, Luka sat next to me.  
"God...i'm tired."  
"You know you're sexy when you become a handyman..."  
He nodded and grinned. _He's so sexy... _I saw him bending over me.  
"Kiss me..."  
"Stop it..."  
"Please...kiss me..."  
I kissed him. I didn't know how but suddenly I didn't see anymore everything which were around me, I lost me in his wonderful glance.  
_Oh my god... one week yet and I'll become Mrs. Kovac... just one week... _  
He laid down on the couch, putting his head on my knees. I caressed his hair.  
"Luka... you think I should do some exams..."  
"About..."  
"To know if I can have a baby."  
"Abby, you can have a baby... be patient."  
"But we try, everyday, since January. We're on the end of March."  
"We'll try again. Please Abby, don't worry."  
"Okay..."  
I lay him... I was worry. Finally, I smiled inside.

One week later. 

I was walking to the Coffee's truck.  
"A coffee please."  
"Okay."  
Neela arrived next to me.   
"Hello."  
"Hello. How are you?"  
"Fine, you?"  
"Good, thanks. Do you want a coffee?"  
"Why not... of you offer me..."  
I nodded and turned to the man.  
"Another coffee, please."  
"No problem."  
I turned to Neela and said.  
"And with Ray?"  
"What with Ray?"  
"You and Ray..."  
"There is no Ray and me."  
"Don't lie."  
"How do you know it?"  
I smiled inside me. Neela was incredible. I began.  
"Listen to me. I was certainly the first who tried to hide a relation ship with a colleague. Plus you can't lie to your best friend."  
She lowered her eyes. I felt something was wrong.  
"Neela...talk to me."  
We began to walk to the ambulance bay.  
"I slept with him, just one night. But he felt guilty toward Michael."  
"It's quite normal."  
"Yes, maybe... probably... Please don't talk about it. And you? Still nothing?"  
"Nothing. No pregnancy on the horizon..." This words hurt me.  
"Be patient."  
"Yes. Maybe during our honey moon." I shrugged.  
"I hope for you. Change the subject : Your wedding dress."  
"Tomorrow at 11am. After Luka and I will go to the church to prepare the last things."  
"Okay. I'll come with you for your dress. What will we go to the church?"  
"5pm and at Ike's at 7pm."  
"Great."  
She smiled me and took me by the arm. I was so sad for her. She had lost her husband, her friend just few months after their wedding. It was so rapidly. I smiled and kissed her on her cheek like a sister would do.

I didn't manage to sleep this night. Luka worked and I was very worry about the wedding. I went to my meeting with Neela in front of the Wedding Dresses' shop. Neela was drinking a coffee. I crossed the street to go toward her.  
"Good Morning!"  
"Good Morning!"  
"Here we go."  
We entered in the shop. The woman gave me my dress and I went to put it on me in the fitting room. Neela was sitting on the armchair. I looked at me in the mirror. My dress was in lace with a lining in lycra. We talked through the curtain.  
"Abby?"  
"Yes?"  
"I think I'm pregnant..."  
I was freezing. I opened the curtain and looked at Neela with big eyes full of suprise.  
"...You...are...what?"  
"I think I'm pregnant..."  
"Oh man. With Ray?"  
"Yes."  
I felt my face changed its appearence. My suprise became a smile.  
"Oh god...You're expecting a baby..."  
I was on the verge to cry. I opened my arms to receive my friend in.  
"I'm so happy for you." I continued.  
"I wanted you come with me... to my ultrasound."  
"Of course, Neela. I'll come."  
I smiled her and wiped her tears.

A mother... Everybody has a mother... sometimes she's attentive and lovely, sometimes she's overprotective maybe too much, sometimes she's totally absente. Mine, she was absente, she wasn't a mother. She wanted to be a friend and not a mother. She was and she is bipolar. When my father leaves I was 7. I don't remember exactly how my mother reacted... I just remember what the first thing I did was to take my brother in my arms and to lull him. My mother began to cry in front of us, like a little girl who had just lost a doll. I looked through the window car. Luka was driving. I looket at my watch. 1pm. Three hours yet. I knew everything was ready but... now my mother was here... Luka nodded to me. He took my hand and squeezed it.  
"I'm sure that everything will be okay."  
Luka has always been like that, before and now, always he tries to find the best into everybody even if don't know them. He was done with my mother, with my brother, and if I remind myself even with Richard... He's always nice with people, he loves to help them, especially me... me and all my problems... He smiled again.  
"Volim te, Abby."  
I smiled. I love when he speaks croatian. He's sexy... i didn't answer to him, my glance turned to look outside. We arrived. Luka took my hand and led me to the hospital. I had the bad impression that I wasn't on the earth but in another world. We entered in the hospital. Luka kissed my cheek and whispered me in my ear :  
"I'll see if everything is good, here."  
"Okay."  
I went to the admit desk where was Franck.  
"Franck, where is she?"  
"Room 5."  
"Thanks" I came in the room 5 and I saw her, sat on the couch, but something suprised me. There was a man with her.  
"Maggie..."  
She turned to me.  
"Abigail..."  
She came to me and took me in arms.   
"Oh...Abby... I'm so glad to see you."  
"Me...I'm surprise."  
"Come, I would like to present you someone."  
She led me to the man : grey hair, dark eyes, nice smile...  
I smiled to him.  
"Abby, I present you, Andrew, my fiancé."  
Oh Bog! I shook my head. Crap! I begin to swear in croatian now!  
Maggie continued.  
"Andy... I present you, my daughter, Abigail."  
He held out his hand to me. I held out mine to me.  
"Nice to meet you, Abigail. Your mother talked about you a lot of time."  
"Please call me Abby."  
"Okay, Abby, if you call me, Andy."  
"Okay."  
I felt this smile on my face, a wrong smile, I couldn't wipe it. Luka arrived in the room.  
"Hey! Maggie."  
"Luka! I'm glad to see you."  
"Me too."  
Luka threw a look at me, a interrogative look.  
"Luka this is my fiancé, Andrew. Andrew this is my...future son-in-law, Luka."  
Luka greeted Andrew. My mother was very... happy. She added.  
"I was surprised when the nurse told me about your wedding."  
"Yes... mom... I..."  
"Abby, I know that you didn't want to invite me. But now, I'm here..."  
"Yeah of course..."  
I rolled my eyes. Luka gave a blow to me with his elbow.  
"Yes, stay... for the wedding."  
"I'll stay, if you want, but you'll come to mine's."  
I froze. What? Abby! Your mother will be married! I'm making a nightmare. I'll wake me up in a couple of seconds. No...it was impossible...  
Luka gave a blow to me again to I anwser to her.  
"We'll see..."  
"Oh Abby... please..."  
I bit my lip until the blood.  
"Yes!"  
I pretended to be happy, smiling. I took her in my arms to congratulate her.  
"It's... great." I said.  
"I know...totally...crazy."  
She grinned. I smiled...wrong...

I was walking up and down in the rest room. Luka entered.   
"Abby?"  
"It's not the moment! I'm thinking. I need to smoke."  
"Certainly not."  
"I need it!"  
"Oh god! Abby, please! Stop, you gave me a headache to walk like that!"  
"And you, you're killin' me to not allow me to smoke."  
He rolled his eyes.  
"Abby... It's not ... dramatic..."  
"What? Is it not dramatic? My mother is... will be married."  
"And? You too."  
"But..."  
"Not but, you'll married in two hours."  
"I know!"  
Oh no! I shouted. Luka lowered his eyes, like he was hurt.  
"Luka... please... it's my mother... Maggie, don'y you remember of this unstable woman?"  
"She had changed. She's meds now."  
"Maybe..."  
Luka looked at me.  
"You must stop it, Abby. You stopped to take care of your mother, 3 years ago. Now, she can take care of herself."  
"And you, you should stop to say to me what I must do."  
Luka shook the head.  
"Okay."  
He went out, closing the door violently.  
"Shit!"


	7. Chapter 7

54 minutes before the zero hour, and Luka was nowhere to be found. I shivered. Neela arrived with my wedding dress.  
"Hey."  
"Hey..."  
"Are you okay?"  
"Not really. Have you got news about Luka?"  
Neela lowered her eyes. She didn't dare to look at me.  
"No."  
"Oh god! I'll kill him!"  
"Abby... it's nothing. he'll arrive in few minutes, i'm sure."  
"We fought."  
"What?"  
"About my mother. Oh Crap! She's always in the center of my problems!"  
"Don't worry. During you're preapring yourself. Dress, make up, hair... I'll find him."  
Suddenly, someone opened the door. Susan appeared with a big smile on her face.  
"Hello the bride!"  
"Susan!"  
I took her in my arms. I was so happy she was here. When she was here, everything seemed to be not important, everything was funny.  
"Thanks to be here."  
"Hey! I'm your friend. Your best friend, it's normal I'm here."  
I smiled.  
"Apparently, it would seem that the groom disappeared...?"  
I lowered my eyes, shaking my head. I dropped into an armchair.  
"Oh please... I feel so guilty."  
"What happen?" She sat next to me, Neela did the same.  
"We fought about Maggie."  
"Your mother? Is she here?"  
"Yes."  
"Ouch!"  
"Yup..."  
Neela stood up.  
"Put on your dress. Ray will find Luka."  
I went to put on my dress. I heard Neela and Susan who were talking. Five minutes later, I returned to them. Susan grinned.  
"Abby...you're...wow."  
I felt I went red.  
"Thanks..."  
Neela jumped when the door opened up behind her. Luka appeared. I felt a heat grew up inside me.   
"Luka..."I whispered. He didn't smile. Susan and Neela made me a sign and went out. Luka closed the door behind them.   
"Where were you?"  
"Abby..."  
"Luka... you were affraid me, I was worried. Where were you?"  
Why he didn't talk!  
"Abby... We must talk."

Oh my god! What would he say? I was scared.  
"Luka..."  
"Abby..."  
He moved toward me and took my hands. I made a step behind.  
"What happen? You afraid me."  
He lowered his head.  
"What?"  
"I must leave."  
My heart stopped to beat. My breathe was cut. I couldn' breathe. _I can't breathe, I need air, I need to go outside._  
"What? I don't understand..."  
"My brother called me... my father is sick, he's hospitalized. I must go in Croatia."  
"Now?"  
"I'll leave tomorrow morning."  
I couldn't talk. He cupped my face and wiped my tears.  
"Abby... I'm sorry..."  
"About? You have the time to marry me...no?"  
"I'm sorry about our first day like husband and wife."  
He nodded and smiled. I hit him.  
"You scared me, just for A day!"  
"No...for our day."  
"Luka... I understand that you father needs you. It's normal you must go there. We'll have all the life for us."  
He kissed me and smiled.  
"See you in 15 minutes."  
"Yes."  
He smiled a last time and went out.

Oh my god! I have just had the bigest fear of my life! I sat in front of the mirror. When suddenly, my mom came in the room.   
"Abigail."  
"Mom."  
"I wanted to give you something."  
She moved to me and put in my hand a necklace.  
"Do you forget it?"  
I looked at it.  
"Yeah...one day I stole you it to play."  
"It's for you. My mother gave me it. Now it's your."  
"Thank you mom."  
"I'm so glad to you, Abby, you build your life again with the man you love"  
I stood up.  
"Same to you."  
I saw a tear on her cheek. I smiled and kissed her on the cheek like a little girl would kiss her mother.

We were at Ike's now. It was already midnight. I was sitting, looking Luka who wad dancing with Sam. I saw Neela. I stood up and went toward her.   
"Hey."  
"Hey, Good morning Mrs Kovac."  
I grinned.  
"Did you break the news to Ray?"  
"Not yet."  
"Neela..."  
"I can't."  
"You must."  
"I don't know how..."  
We remained silent. Luka came to me.  
"Abby, here we go?"  
"Yes."  
I stood up. Luka took my hand. I turned to Neela."  
"Tell him. It's important, necessary."  
She smiled. I put a kiss on her cheek.  
"Thank you for everything, Neela."  
"Thank you too."  
Luka smiled to Neela and led me outside. We stopped. Luka put his coat on my shoulders. We could still hear the music which came from inside.

**I love you, please say you love me too,  
These three words they could change our lives forever  
And I promise you that we will always be together   
Till the end of time **

_Celine Dion - I love you_

He surrounded my waist with his arms and kissed me. Our tongues met each other.  
"I love you, Luka."  
"Volim Te, ljubavi moja."  
He helped me to get into the car.

I tried to open the door but Luka was disturbing me, kissing my neck, my lobe ear.  
"Luka..."  
"I want you..."  
"Me too, but let me open the door..."  
I managed to open it. Luka grinned, pushing me slowly inside. He closed the door with his foot, still holding me by the waist. I threw his coat on the floor. He led me to the stairs, to go up in our bedroom. But I stumbled because of the first step. I was stretching out on the stairs. Luka smiled and laid down on me.

**Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong.  
The last girl in the last reason to make this last for as long as I could, First kiss in your first time that I felt connected to anything, The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned,  
The final word in the final seconds you ever learned to me was love.**

_Snow Patrol - Make this go on forever_

I unbuttonned his shirt and he threw it behind him. He untied my zipper which was behind. He undid his belt. I took advantage of his gesture to go up the stairs, giggling. He followed me into the bedroom. I let my dress fell on the floor. Luka moved toward me and kissed my right naked shoulder, he kissed my neck. I raised my head to let him more place to kiss me. He put his hands on my hips and pushed me slowly to the bed. I dropped on the bed. He came on me and continued to kiss me everywhere. He kissed my breast and my belly, and then my navel. I cupped his head before he came down further. I went up to my face and here, his tongue came in my mouth. I welcomed it. I crossed my finger in his hair. His hand travelled all over my body, first along my bust then along my led. I felt the passion came up in my body but I felt also this passion in him. I don't know how, I was naked, Luka too. I needed him inside me, I needed it, now. He did it, like he heard what I thought. Between us, we didn't need to talk. We perspired. Our bodies were wet. Luka led my hair behind to see my face. He was my ectasy. I needed him, everytime. He laid down close to me, trying to take his breathe again. I put my head on his chest and fell asleep on him, feeling his hand caressed my arm.


	8. Chapter 8

I opened my eyes. I woke up because of the shower's sound. I sat on the bed. I got up and I dragged myself to the bathroom. Steam espaced from the shower. I smiled, let my bathrobe fall on the floor. I opened the shower's door and entered in. Luka turned and smiled, seeing me. He surrounded me with his brawny arms. I put my arms around his neck, caressing his wet hair. Our chest touched each other. I felt his legs against mine. His hands travelled all over my back. His tongue came in my mouth and played with my tongue. The passion increased at the same time that the water heat. Our lips parted. He looked at me, smilling.  
"You're beautiful."  
"Thank you. You're... (I pretended to think) wondeful..."  
He grinned.  
"Thanks."  
I kissed him.  
"When is your flight?"  
"10 am."  
"Oh..so... we have the time to..." I rolled my eyes.  
"Yes, we have..."  
Our tongues met each other again.

Luka was left few weeks ago. Neela was sitting next to me on the bench in ambulance bay.  
"How is Luka?"  
"Fine. He called me yesterday."  
"When will he come back?"  
"He doesn't know. His father isn't fine."  
Neela nodded and looked at her belly.  
"I'm big."  
"You? Big? Are you crazy? Me, I'm big. I don't stop to eat since Luka left."  
She smiled to me like she guessed something. I shook my head.  
"No, Neela, i'm not pregnant."  
"You try since few months, no?"  
"Exactly... five months. We must be patient."  
"Yes..."  
Ray arrived, smilling.   
"Abby, a call for you."  
I stood up and said to Neela.  
"Do you want to eat with me tonight?"  
She threw a glance to Ray and looked at me.  
"Sorry... Ray and me planned something..."  
"Never mind."  
"Tomorrow if you want..."  
"Yes."  
I went away and entered in the hospital. I had the wrong impression to be alone... but it was just a impression...

I arrived at the admit desk. Franck gave me the phone.  
"For you."  
"Thanks."  
I took it.  
"Yeah?"  
_"Abby, that's me."_  
Luka! A smile appeared on my face.  
"How are you? Is something wrong?"  
_"I will not be able to return...before one week or two weeks again. My father must be operated."_  
"Oh...i'm sorry."  
_"No, it's me, I'm sorry about..."_  
I cut him.  
"It doesn't matter, it is if you try to call me everyday..."  
_"I swear you. I must go, Abby."_  
My smile disappeared.  
"Okay...hear you tomorrow..."  
_"I love you."_  
"Me too."  
I heard the dial tone. I picked down and sighed. I walked, unconsciously, to the toilets. I made wet my face and looked at me in the mirror. I jumped when Neela entered.  
"Hey. Are you okay?"  
"Yes, Luka will not return the next week, neither the next next week... And I think that the next next next week..."  
"Abby..." She put her hand on my shoulder and smiled.  
"Don't worry, I'll be here soon. More faster you think, believe me."  
I nodded and we went out.

I spent my day to work. I went to the car and drove to the house. My husbance was left, I didn't reach to be pregnant and this situation began to oppress me. My eyes began to close. I tried to resist, I felt I began to fall asleep. I shook my head to wake me up. _I can't sleep. I can't sleep, I'm driving. I can't sleep._ I stopped the car at the traffic lights. My sight was blurred. I saw the green light. I drove off. Unconciously, I turned the head on my right and I saw a car which was arriving in my direction. I heard a noise. My head struck violently the steering wheel. My car stopped itself. I could hear some people talk. I raised my head up and looked around me. I undid my safety belt and went out. Everything turned around me. I put my hand on my forehead, blood appeared on. A man came towards me.  
_"Miss...are you okay?...Miss?"_  
His voice echoed in my ears. I closed my eyes and the lastest time I felt was my body which fell on the ground...

I opened my eyes. I was stretched out on a couch. Neela appeared next to me.  
"Hello."  
I couldn't talk. My throat was dry, my lips were too. Finally, I said something.  
"What happened?"  
"I hoped you would be able to tell me..."  
I sat up.  
"I was stopped at the traffic lights. It became green, I had driven off and... a black hole... I don't remember..."  
"Do you want I call Luka?"  
"No...no, it's nothing."  
"Have you a headache? a pain somewhere?"  
"No."  
Neela read the file.  
"Okay. We wait for your blood results..and you will be able go home."  
I nodded to assert.

I sighed, this room was boring. Neela didn't allow me to move and stand me up. I remembered when the last time I was lying down on a couch... My stomach rumbled. I put my hand on and winced. Suddenly, Neela came in.  
"So? Can I go home?"  
"Yes."  
She had a suspect smile on her lips.  
"Are you smiling?"  
She grinned and nodded.  
"I have just had your results."  
"And?"  
"You're..."  
I sighed, bored.  
"Neela, C'mon. I'm what?"  
"... pregnant."


	9. Chapter 9

I trembled. I felt this wave of warmth travelled into my body. I was on the verge of tears. _I'm pregnant..._ We had tried during almost six months. Any words wanted to go out of my mouth. Neela sat in front of me and took my hand.  
"I'm so glad for you."  
A tear sank on my cheek. I nodded, smiling. I didn't know how express my joy.  
"Is everything okay?"  
"Yes, everything."   
I took Neela in my arms, to thank her.

I walked on the bridge. I continued my way to a bench, sat on and glanced at the landscape around me. I smiled. I imagined how Luka would react. I couldn't to break him the news by phone, I couldn't and I didn't want... but he couldn't abandon his father, just because I was expecting a baby. I imagined when I would tell him, his smile and he would take me in his arms, squeezing me against him... a idea went to my mind. I would go there. _Yes, I will go to Croatia, and I will break the news to Luka eyes in eyes_. I smiled inside me. I closed my eyes to think about all of this.

Neela put my bag on the floor next to me.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Neela you asked me this question exactly 15 times during the trip to here."  
"But..."  
"I'm okay, the baby'll be okay and yes, i'm sure I must go there."  
"Okay."  
She nodded and smiled.  
"You'll call me as soon as you'll put your feet on Croatia territory."  
"Yes, I promise you."  
She took me in her arms.  
"I'll miss you..."  
"Neela, I don't move out there!"  
"Yes...but I need you about my pregnancy."  
"Ray is here."  
"It's the same thing!"  
"I'll come back soon, very soon."  
**_The boarding in departure of Chicago to Zagreb begin now. Go to Gate 3, with your ticket and a piece of indenty. Gate 3._**  
"I must go."  
I kissed her on the cheek.  
"Don't worry, everything'll be fine, Neela."  
She smiled to assert and I went away to the Gate 3. I gave my ticket to the hostess. I sat me on my seat. I couldn't imagine yet I was leaving. I had never travel but the most which disturbed me it was the fact that execpt "_Bog_" or "_Volim Te_", I didn't talk croatian and I didn't know the exactly address of Luka's father's house. _Never mind_. Somebody would certainly speak english...

I walked in the long corridor to go out of the plan. I carried my bag. I arrived in a big hall where there were a lot of people. I heard they were speaking a foreign tongue. I shrugged and breathed deeply. Suddenly, I felt a rumbling in my stomach. I put my hand on and automatically I looked for the toilets. I saw them. I ran to there. I bolted my door and knelt to vomit. I brought back my hair behind and wiped my mouth with a tissue. _Oh my god_... I loved it even if I was sick. I loved it because it was the _pregnancy's joy_. I went out and looked at my watch. _Oh my gosh!_ My plan went to leave in 10 minutes. I went to my gate. 1 hour yet and I would see Luka. I couldn't define my happiness. I was so happy, so exciting to break him the news. The time to install myself in the plan, I began to fall asleep, the head against the port-hole.

One hour later.  
I arrived outside the airport. I had the impression to be in another world... but a wonderful world. The sky was blue, there weren't any clouds, a softy wind caressed my face and the sun brighted in the sky. I saw a taxi. It stopped next to me. The taxi driver went out and began to talk to me in croatian.  
"Sorry... do you speak english?"  
He looked at me with a odd glance.  
"Okay" I think in loud voice. I took the english-croatian book I had bought and said, proudly to find the sentence.  
"_Odvezite ne u Spita, molim vas_."  
He smiled and answered.  
"_Da_!"  
I got into the car during the taxi driver put my bag in the trunck. During the trip, I look through the window. I was amazing by the wonderful landscape. I could see the blue water of the sea, the seagulls which flew above the water. The waves crashed into the rocks. The man looked at me by the rear-view mirror. I smiled to him and continued to admire the landscape.

We arrived in Split. The man said something but I didn't understand anything. I said to him.  
"_Želio bih ici u bolnica, molim vas_."  
"_Da_." He nodded.  
Five minutes later, he stopped the car in front of the hospital. He opened the door to me and held out my bags.  
"_Hvala_." I said, smiling. I payed and he added.  
"_Nema na cenu, doviðejna_."  
"_Doviðejna_."  
I came in the hospital. I hoped, all with my heart, I would see Luka, but nobody. I looked around me. Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice which spoke croatian. I turned and Luka appeared at the bottom of the corridor. He made big gestures during he talked to another man.  
I smiled. He didn't see me yet. A old man arrived next to them with his stick. I move to them, slowly. Luka didn't still notice me. I was freezing.  
"Hi!" I managed to prounonce.  
Luka's head turned in my voice's direction. He opened big eyes full of surprise.   
Luka stammered.  
"Ab..Abby.."  
I smiled. I saw a tear in his eyes. He made a step towards me and cupped my head. He bent over me and kissed me.  
"Oh...my love... Wot are you doing here?"  
"I wanted to see to you."  
"I'm glad. Thank you, baby."  
He caressed my cheek with his right hand and slid his left hand on my hip.  
"Abby, I present to you my father, Laurentis."  
"Nice to meet you." I said to him, squeezing his hand.  
"Me too, i'm very happy to meet Luka's wife. He talked to me about you, but he forgot to say you're so beautiful."  
I felt my cheeks became red. Luka was smiling and continued.  
"And this is my brother, Dmitri."  
I smiled and took his hand.  
"Same." I said. He didn't talk, I felt he was icy with me.  
Luka turned to me and took me by the waist.  
"Hey, darling... How was your journey?"  
"Good, Luka...I've something to say to you..."  
He looked at me, surprised.

We would go home, Luka invited me to go out and to walk on the beach. He held me by the hand. A gently scent of the sea was in the air.  
"So...what did you say to me?"  
I stopped and wad tiptoe in front of him, he was holding me by the waist.  
"Luka... no try to guess."  
"I dunno. C'mon... say it."  
"No try..."  
He thought, but I whispered in his ear.  
"We've havin' a baby..."  
He plunged his glance into mine.


End file.
